Have you lost friends because of politics?

 

Recently, during a social gathering, someone who reads my column regularly asked me if I had lost any friends because of my politically conservative leanings. Rather than respond with the usual sanitized comment about the unlikely chance of losing “true” friends simply because of my opinions, I told him that my friends and I never talk politics or religion. In fact, my friends and I have an understanding about controversial subjects. If we’re at a dinner or other social function and someone expresses a political opinion that one of us disagreed with, we might briefly attempt to refute what was said. However, if the conversation went beyond a few opposing responses, one of us would simply raise a glass of wine and say, “here’s to good friends.” That was the watchword that meant we should move on.

Not surprisingly, I try to surround myself with the type of people who are not of radical persuasion. That doesn’t mean I only hang with people who agree with me. On the contrary, I welcome different opinions, as long as they’re not so extreme as to challenge common sense. For example, if someone were to insist that males and females are physically equal, therefore men have a right to compete in female sports contests, or that a man can give birth to a child, I’d start looking for an exit. Trying to reason with that person would be like trying to convince a member of the Flat Earth Society that the world is round. I enjoy friendly debates as well as the next guy, but who wants to hang out with people who have become convinced by their own ignorance?

Social circles have always been part of the human experience. Family, friends and neighbors often gather together to provide a sense of support and belonging by sharing common interests as they enjoy a sense of camaraderie. Typically, people will feel more comfortable spending time with like-minded individuals. For example, if I walked over to a small group at a cocktail party and decided to mingle, how long would I remain if I began to hear conservatives being called Nazis? I suppose, people, like water, seek their own level, meaning we tend to gravitate toward those with similar interests and values. Consequently, I feel most comfortable when I feel I won’t be attacked because of my opinions.

Sadly, with all the violent rhetoric and graphic videos on news programs, it’s difficult to stay informed, and not become stressed by the battle royale that dances wildly across our 70-inch TV screens. Then, we get behind our computer screens and see numerous popup videos of inner-city crime and hate-filled anger fulminating from the lips of handcuffed thugs being forced into police cars. I think it does serious harm to the psyche of a nation when they’re constantly exposed to the degeneracy that has become a part of our culture. During my 20 years with NYPD, I saw many cops fold under the stress from dealing daily with the dregs of society. I believe there were 2 reasons why I was able to handle it better than most. For one thing, unlike the majority of cops I knew, most of whom were born into a middle-class world in Queens or Long Island, I was raised in a tenement on the lower east side of Manhattan where I endured a good share of what life is like on the streets of the city. Undoubtedly, that stiffened my spine enough to keep me from being easily shocked by the violence and degradation that is an everyday occurrence in many urban areas. 

But the second and most important reason I was able to stay sane was that I had a stable marriage in a lovely colonial home in Smithtown, Long Island. When I finished a tour of duty, which included the gloom, doom, and hopelessness of inner-city destitution, my family was a refuge from the madness. I never brought the job home. When I sat down for dinner with my wife, son and daughter, all I wanted to hear about was how their day went. There were no war stories, angry emotions, or pessimism. For me it was a coping mechanism, like psychotherapy. On my way back to work the following day, I was able to flip the switch from a mild-mannered Clark Kent to his alter ego, the caped crusader.  

These days I don’t need that switch because writing about crime is a lot easier and safer than fighting it. It’s also safer to stay away from bitter political exchanges with others in my orbit. I have no desire to dominate the dialogue, or muzzle other opinions. I prefer reasonable folks who recognize that friendship is a bond of respect and affection, not a contest to determine who’s smarter and more discerning in their system of beliefs. Besides, I’ve had my fill of conflicts, and I put my cape in mothballs a long time ago.

Cops are only people

When I look at the highly publicized violent police incidents, it's obvious why some of them result in death.  Whether it's the George Floyd "I can't breathe" situation in Minneapolis; the Michael Brown shooting death in Ferguson, Missouri; the choke-hold death of Eric Garner in New York City; or numerous other law-enforcement actions, one thing is clear: they all resisted arrest.  They might all be alive today if they had simply obeyed the lawful orders of the police.  That's what decent people do when confronted by those who represent the system of laws by which civilized people live.  We have many "rights" in this constitutional republic, but one of them is not the right to disobey the law, or those entrusted to enforce it.

During my 20 years as a cop in NYC, violent episodes during arrest situations were probably as common as they are today.  The difference is, we didn't have the internet, iPhones, and social media to broadcast every unsavory moment dealing with civilian-police encounters.  Now that everyone has a camera, we have millions of wannabe producers, directors, and editors, all of whom have opportunities to become instantly famous by virtue of selected video clips that can distort the "news" as cleverly as the N.Y. Times distorts stories about President Trump.  What the Times editors write is the slant they want you to read.  Similarly, what you view on those videos is often the slant the videographer wants you to see. 

Inasmuch as there seems to be no limit to what can be posted on social media, and no penalties for distortions that incite people to riot, we have entered a phase in our history in which the potential for violent insurrection has been placed in the hands of the most malevolent purveyors of hatred for our country and for those who have a natural disdain for authority.  Being an active cop for two decades provided me with an education about people that few "civilians" would understand.  I learned that people intuitively understand the need for a system of laws, as well as the need for officers entrusted to enforce them.  Yet, intuitive, or not, people don't like getting arrested.

During a serious criminal incident involving an apprehension and arrest, the offender often becomes a violent adversary with one goal: do anything necessary to get away.  He may be on probation for another crime, meaning that a new arrest may result in several years' incarceration.

Think about the position of the cop when he stops a man for questioning under suspicious circumstances.  The man may be wanted for murder, robbery, rape, or any number of other felonies that would put him in a cell for long time.  With that in mind, he might be desperate enough to use a weapon on the cop to get away.  Up to that point, the cop hasn't determined the potential menace he's facing, since he's only doing a preliminary investigation.  In this scenario, the offender has an advantage on the cop because he knows what he's going to do if the handcuffs come out.  Faced with losing years of his life in prison, the felon is not likely to be taken easily.

The following is often the way the situation unfolds.  The cop determines he has enough evidence to effect an arrest and informs the offender of the charges.  "Hey, man, I didn't do anything, and you're not taking me!" the guy says.  In this instance, the cop has no other options.  He's facing a man who broke the law, and it's his job to bring the guy in, period.  He can't walk away.  He can't tell the guy he's forgiven.  He can't call his superior and ask for instructions.  He must do what he was trained to do — otherwise, turn in the badge and gun.

Okay, now comes the part about getting cuffs on the guy and putting him in the patrol car.  Please trust me on this: even with a partner helping you, it's very difficult and dangerous to take someone who doesn't want to go.  A 110-pound woman can put up a ferocious battle to keep you from manacling her wrists together and dragging her into the car.  Now imagine a 6'3", 220-pound, muscular antagonist who defies your lawful order to put his hands behind his back.  The moment he refuses, the justice system is being tested.  Either we enforce our laws or we turn the country over to barbarians.