Have you lost friends because of politics?

 

Recently, during a social gathering, someone who reads my column regularly asked me if I had lost any friends because of my politically conservative leanings. Rather than respond with the usual sanitized comment about the unlikely chance of losing “true” friends simply because of my opinions, I told him that my friends and I never talk politics or religion. In fact, my friends and I have an understanding about controversial subjects. If we’re at a dinner or other social function and someone expresses a political opinion that one of us disagreed with, we might briefly attempt to refute what was said. However, if the conversation went beyond a few opposing responses, one of us would simply raise a glass of wine and say, “here’s to good friends.” That was the watchword that meant we should move on.

Not surprisingly, I try to surround myself with the type of people who are not of radical persuasion. That doesn’t mean I only hang with people who agree with me. On the contrary, I welcome different opinions, as long as they’re not so extreme as to challenge common sense. For example, if someone were to insist that males and females are physically equal, therefore men have a right to compete in female sports contests, or that a man can give birth to a child, I’d start looking for an exit. Trying to reason with that person would be like trying to convince a member of the Flat Earth Society that the world is round. I enjoy friendly debates as well as the next guy, but who wants to hang out with people who have become convinced by their own ignorance?

Social circles have always been part of the human experience. Family, friends and neighbors often gather together to provide a sense of support and belonging by sharing common interests as they enjoy a sense of camaraderie. Typically, people will feel more comfortable spending time with like-minded individuals. For example, if I walked over to a small group at a cocktail party and decided to mingle, how long would I remain if I began to hear conservatives being called Nazis? I suppose, people, like water, seek their own level, meaning we tend to gravitate toward those with similar interests and values. Consequently, I feel most comfortable when I feel I won’t be attacked because of my opinions.

Sadly, with all the violent rhetoric and graphic videos on news programs, it’s difficult to stay informed, and not become stressed by the battle royale that dances wildly across our 70-inch TV screens. Then, we get behind our computer screens and see numerous popup videos of inner-city crime and hate-filled anger fulminating from the lips of handcuffed thugs being forced into police cars. I think it does serious harm to the psyche of a nation when they’re constantly exposed to the degeneracy that has become a part of our culture. During my 20 years with NYPD, I saw many cops fold under the stress from dealing daily with the dregs of society. I believe there were 2 reasons why I was able to handle it better than most. For one thing, unlike the majority of cops I knew, most of whom were born into a middle-class world in Queens or Long Island, I was raised in a tenement on the lower east side of Manhattan where I endured a good share of what life is like on the streets of the city. Undoubtedly, that stiffened my spine enough to keep me from being easily shocked by the violence and degradation that is an everyday occurrence in many urban areas. 

But the second and most important reason I was able to stay sane was that I had a stable marriage in a lovely colonial home in Smithtown, Long Island. When I finished a tour of duty, which included the gloom, doom, and hopelessness of inner-city destitution, my family was a refuge from the madness. I never brought the job home. When I sat down for dinner with my wife, son and daughter, all I wanted to hear about was how their day went. There were no war stories, angry emotions, or pessimism. For me it was a coping mechanism, like psychotherapy. On my way back to work the following day, I was able to flip the switch from a mild-mannered Clark Kent to his alter ego, the caped crusader.  

These days I don’t need that switch because writing about crime is a lot easier and safer than fighting it. It’s also safer to stay away from bitter political exchanges with others in my orbit. I have no desire to dominate the dialogue, or muzzle other opinions. I prefer reasonable folks who recognize that friendship is a bond of respect and affection, not a contest to determine who’s smarter and more discerning in their system of beliefs. Besides, I’ve had my fill of conflicts, and I put my cape in mothballs a long time ago.